I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
