I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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