I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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