Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
