well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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