That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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