i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
