Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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