Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
