i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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