my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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