I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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