why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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