U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
