the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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