can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
