I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm really busy with my period
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