Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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