I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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