I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
