That's intense
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
