TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
