I will die if light touches me.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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