He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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