I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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