I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
