he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
