Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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