tell your sister to shave her snatch
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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