yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
