Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
