whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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