Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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