He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
