Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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