Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
