i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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