Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Of course I have a pirate flag
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
