Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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