Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
