.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
