There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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