I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wish my penis had a tongue
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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