Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
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The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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