Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
