Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My bed smells like the plague
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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