your room smells of hookers.
And success
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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