these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had sex on a roof
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
