Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
