i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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