Non-Jews are for practice
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
