I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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