I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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