I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
