I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
