I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
