Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize