look no pants
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
