the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
