I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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