I have demons in me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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