I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake