i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I need a beard to bite.