Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
3pm strippers are depressing
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.