I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
