You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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