Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
